05 Feb If You Had The Chance To Destroy Someone, Would You?
I’ve waited four years for justice. Four years for an end. And it’s come in the most unlikely of circumstances.
Someone who has, for the past four years, off and on, hurt, used, and abused me, has placed themselves in a very compromising position, and I have been wrestling with myself all day, with what to do.
I have appealed to my own humanity, to my, “greater good”, and I have touched nothing. There is a bitterness, an anger, a deep, lasting, painful hurt. There is the final cry of reconciliation wrapped up in a long held back goodbye. A washing of hands, an easing of spirit.
When someone hurts you, they don’t get to dictate how much it hurts, or how deep that pain reverberates. They don’t get to erase it, ease it, seduce or confound it with hollow words and empty gestures. I am allowed my grievances, I am allowed to heal in any way I can, and need to. I am allowed to destroy. I am allowed to sink before rising above. I am allowed to confine myself to no label, no illusion of there being a black, or white division of being “good” and going “bad”.
When you have done everything to piece yourself together, you strike when the iron is hot—when opportunity has fallen explicitly into your lap, you worry yourself about consequences and conscience. But you know a younger version of yourself, would be proud. Because you are taking back the reigns—as recklessly as it may be—and you are learning to roar again. You have spent too long licking old wounds.
There is no reconciliation. Those fantasies have been put to bed. There never was, and there never will be again.
This is for you.